The ugliest man...

So, Naomi and I joined tagged.com. I had actually joined years ago but had forgotten. Anywhoobles, we giggled as we scanned through millions of hopefuls who had, apparently, clicked "YES" to us. Oh, the hours of fail, entertainment, and lulz. All of which could be classified together...

However, it was one specific day that stands out forever.

I clicked upon the next guy who had clicked yes to me and almost lost my bowels. No, seriously.

Hideous doesn't even begin to define this man. His teeth weren't blurry, they were brown.

I sent the link to Naomi, and, a few seconds later, I heard, "OHHHhhhhh...."

Then silence. I almost thought she had died.

We had done it. We found the ugliest man on tagged.com. Apparently, he also wanted the pussy. And he had slept with a lot of girls. He didn't define what kind of girls, so I am assuming either plastic or dead ones.

He suddenly got worse in my eyes.

Lulz.

taking the bus, katy & naomi style

As apart of our ongoing new year's resolution to lose weight and be fit, me and katy have been working out. You may know this from the "fart that wouldn't quit" post from 1.3 days ago.

We take the bus up to the school because really, it's too far and cold to walk. Counteractive to our resolution, yes, but whatevs.

We get ready to leave (the bus comes at 5.25 pm) at 5.20. We walk outside, Katy goes to lock the door. I see the bus coming from 16th avenue.

"Katy...I think we missed the bus."

"Wat?" *turns around from locking the door*

"We missed the bus" *points at bus driving past*

Oh...*we sit there for thirty seconds and burst out laughing*

This may be more fail than lulz.

Squirrels.

So, we happened to notice a large amount of squirrels bustling about on our deck this past summer. They were amusing and fluffy.

Winter comes.

We decide it would be amusing to throw food we dont want out on the deck. The squirrels gather it up and we watch them, while giggling.

They get candy corn, bread, crackers, probably frozen foods, cherries, etc...

One day, I open the sliding door ever so slightly because it is about 200 degrees in our house. I am chatting with Nina, when suddenly she disappears from my sight and I hear,

"NO NO NO NO NO!"

Turns out, one of our fluffy buddies thought he could come in and hang out ...

Don't mess with Wisconsin, b*tch.

Okay, so, we went out to this little hick bar called the Beacon this weekend, out in Hermantown.

Upon entering the bar, I decided it was Hurley without the cigarettes and wanted to leave.

As the evening progressed, I decided to get a long island pitcher, because Travis told us that they were only 5 bucks. Noice, right?

Well, I am up at the bar, waiting for my drink, talking to the bartender and my friends as they come slipping by. There is a grody middle-aged man next to me at the bar.

"Yes?" He says to me.

I look at him, "I'm not talking to you." I thought that he thought that I was talking to him when I was talking to my friends.

I start chatting with the bartender again; the guy ventures another hello towards me.

"I'm NOT talking to you." Didn't this guy get it? I wasn't talking to him.


"That's the worst rejection i've ever gotten." He says.

I nearly pee myself with laughter, and say, "Born and bred in Wisconsin, bitch." And I walk away.

he was gross, and where he got the idea he could even begin to talk to someone less than half his age is beyond me. Either way,

don't mess with Wisconsin, bitch.

The fart that just wouldn't quit.

Me and Katy have made a resolution to work out for the New Year. Boring & predictable, but hey, we aim to please.

We make our way up to the school to do some actioning. We ride the bikes, no issues. Then we decide to go running on the indoor track. We stretch and off we go. Katy walks, I run. All goes well until I start running behind The Chick in the Green Tank Top. She is running at a slightly faster pace so I don't really feel like catching up and passing her.

...Then The Chick in the Green Tank Top starts farting. I try to move to the other side of the track, nope, the fart has decided to take up all the lanes. Dammit.

Maybe it's a one time thing? No, she keeps farting and I keep trying to dodge it. All to my eventual demise. Well, not really, but it sucked.

This is Emma.

She once jumped off of our couch and jacknifed into the floor.

Like a semi.

When it jacknifes on the road.

I think it is because she is a demon.

But she has good peripheral vision.

Flusher Doodle.

We have two bathrooms in our house; Shower and potty upstairs and potty downstairs. I'm fairly sure both toilets are older than the combined age of all three of us living here.

That aside, Naomi went to use the facilities one evening. I am suddenly distracted by a squeal...

"What did you do?"

"It broke"

The flusher doodle has broken off inside the tank, leaving the flusher limp and useless.

Now, the only way to flush that potty is by pulling up on the doodle manually.

We has a broken toilet.

For the love of salisbury steak

Most of the time, microwaveable salisbury steak tastes like rubber and ass. However, I highly recommend the Boston Market version. Succulent meats and carbo-loaded macaroni and cheese make for a deliciously calorific meal to sustain the appetites of even Paul Bunyan.

That aside, Naomi and I were perusing the frozen foods section of GhettoOne a few weeks back. Lo, we saw the steak meal and had to go for it. Unfortunately, it was on the top shelf and down to the last two boxes. Me being the slightly taller one in this situation was nominated to do the scavenging.

So, on my tiptoes I start into the freezer, thinking tall and aiming for the meals. My hand is so far back in the freezer, I'm pretty sure I've touched Russia (lulz).

After much swearing I manage to snag one of the meals. As I turn to throw it in our basket, I realize my hat has since gotten stuck to the freezer door.

Fail.

It comes off easily enough, but also leaves a slight trail of hat fuzz on the icy door.

Since then, GhettoOne has not gotten a restock of the steak meals.

Not sure why.